This is not a good time of year for me.
Right now… well, I’m not in a good place. I’ve been trying to get that across to the people I love, and the best I get is, “I’m sorry things aren’t going well right now.” It’s like, standing in nuclear winter and saying “it’s cold.”
A short excerpt from my locked online journal:
I am SO UNHAPPY right now. Really. I want to go away, alone, someplace quiet, and just sort my shit out for a while. I can’t take all this, I really can’t. I need some peace and quiet and space which I do NOT HAVE right now. I’m really going to lose it, and I don’t think the people really close to me respect that enough.
This is not a sustainable situation. I’m better than B’s, I’m better than mediocre, I’m better than living my life on the edge of losing my fucking mind. I think it might be time for a change.
I mean, I’m really not one to crack under pressure - I’m not. But so many things are harassing me at once that I feel like my head is going to explode (really - words can’t describe the crushing headache I have at the moment)…
Grades coming in (I really, really ought to have done better than I did), general stress, waiting for law school applications to come back to me - I deserve to be doing better than I am, and I let myself down by giving that up. The truth is, there’s a lot in my life that I think needs to change, and I think it’s time for that to happen, soon.
