October 19, 2007
Definitely a heavy hitter for the “Best news of the day” prize (though don’t worry - this isn’t really a news blog)~ Mayor of DC, Adrian Fenty, has finally (fuckin finally!) ruled (by decree of course) that DC cabs will switch from the archaic and ridiculously corrupt “zone system” to a normal, transparent, uniform meter system.
In other words, I can say goodbye to getting ripped of by irritating cab drivers. Awesome! Now let’s set a date, Mayor Fenty.
October 19, 2007
well there’s buildings in this here town
rise above the tallest mountains
the sky up there will watch you
with an unforgiving eye
and there are bridges in this here town
like statuettes in little fountains
there ain’t nothin like a mountain
if you’re looking to get high
well this whole place
it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way
to explain why
there are drugs and there are lovers
but my friend there ain’t no other
there ain’t nothing like a mountain
if you’re lookin to get high
well there’s sadness in a woman’s eyes
salty as a shallow ocean
as she’ll stare at you for ages
till your throat is hot and dry
yeah they’re movement knows no boundary
ain’t no comfort in her motion
there ain’t nothin like a woman
for to learn you how to cry
this whole place it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way
to explain why
there are friends are there are lovers
we must choose one or the other
there ain’t nothing like a woman
for to learn you how to cry
well there’s money in this here town
stained with guilt of those who made it
sharp regrets the ones who lost it
or the ones that it’s led astray
well the money in this town
stacks up taller than the buildings
in pursuit of all that money
we might piss our lives away
in this whole place it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way to explain why
there are men and there are dollars
those that lead
and the ones who follow
there ain’t no thing like an airplane
to let ‘em know you mean goodbye
there ain’t no thing like an airplane
to let ‘em know you mean goodbye
That’s more AJ Roach, “Mean Goodbye.” You can download it here. I don’t know if I can point to one particular place in that song that fits me most. I can’t believe I had never heard this music before Liz - it’s symbolic of our relationship how much her taste in music has changed my life.
I’ve spent my whole life leaving places. I left home when I was 13, and never looked back. I left Washington when I was 18, to a new life in a place I idealized - I thought New England was the symbol of success for me. After four years at an Ivy, I gave up New England for DC, where I thought I’d find… well, I don’t know what I thought I’d find.
I grow tired of places. Tired of Washington, tired of New England, tired now of DC… but more than that I’m tired of saying goodbye.
Let’s find a place, let’s buy a house, let’s settle down. Anywhere but… oddly enough, New England.
October 18, 2007
New haircut. New weather. Autumn brings on a lot of changes, obviously.
I’m still pretty overwhelmed by life (that’s what this is supposed to help with) - but I’m trying to focus on the positive, because that’s what’s going to get me through all this.
So I know this is ridiculous (maybe) and my mother has been all over me about making “depressing sweeping generalizations” that would befit some depressive Russian alcoholic writer (don’t I sound like a lovely person?) ~ but I was watching one of my favorite shows last night and the last line was “are there any happy families?”
The first thing I said, of course, was a resounding no- that’s not surprising given I did not have a happy family and I can’t really imagine what it’s like to be in one. But when my mom made some comment I found myself having to defend what I’d said, and it was easier than I thought. What I came up with was: there are families that love each other, but there are no happy families.
My best friend would say, “existentially, nobody is really happy.” (I can hear his words as I type that!) - and that might be true but it’s not what I’m talking about.
People weren’t meant to really love each other, except for maybe one other person. A family is a group, with multiple people, all but 2 of which did not choose to be in that group or in that relationship. So basically, family involves being stuck with two people (or more) that you didn’t choose, and probably wouldn’t have chosen had you been given the opportunity.
But we learn to love each other, the bonds of the group grow strong (some stronger than others), and that’s what makes a family. The only truly happy family would be one where each member of the group had chosen to be there; since this is impossible you can only really say that there are families who love each other, families who stick together for longer than others, etc - you can’t say they are happy because they are only making do with what was given them.
I come from a strange example of family; my experience of home is not one that I particularly idealize as it was fairly unpleasant at times (I have fought to make this a legitimate statement among my relatives) - but I do believe in family. And I believe in choosing a partner, marrying, and all of that. Or not marrying, and just being in love - that’s good too. But that’s a contract entered into by 2 consenting adults who have the right to withdraw from it at any time, not so with children.
Family, as it exists in this world, is a social construct - it’s an instrument of maintaining social order, without it there would be very little foundation on which to build larger, more encompassing systems (read: government). But it’s not about happiness, it’s about protection, order, reproduction, and social function.
So no, there are no happy families, only happy couples, and families who love each other.
And I don’t know about you, but I’d settle for having both.
October 17, 2007
I don’t usually spend a lot of time missing home.
I come from a small town in Washington State - one that doesn’t really have a lot to offer a metropolitan soul such as myself. And by small town, I mean small town. Population roughly 3500, doubles during agricultural season. I live on 10 acres of desert/farmland. This town raised me, to be sure - but it also broke me in more ways than I can count. I grew up knowing I needed more, but not knowing what kind of world existed beyond the boundaries of my little rural town. I suffered. And I grew.
I think it goes without saying that I can’t imagine myself ever living there again, or ever being a part of that existence. I’m a city person. I need the noise. But…. nostalgia has a way of getting what it wants, no matter how hard you fight. And there are some things that I truly believe we can only understand if we grow up in a small town.
Liz played a song for me a while ago, and when I heard it I could barely contain myself from weeping, just breaking down. Here are the lyrics, I’ll share them with you and maybe you can understand how I feel about my home.
T he song is “Scott County” by AJ Roach. I hadn’t heard of him until Liz introduced me.
Scott County is a habit
some find hard to break
first freeze is in October
lasting out the first of May
it’s beauty is not rivaled
in the western hemisphere
so they say
the hemisphere don’t stretch out
past the state lines anyway
but i have seen stretches of green
that run the length of day
Scott County is a woman
want to treat you like a child
the more you try to hate her
the more she’ll make you smile
and the more you try to stand up straight
the more you’ll lean against
the crooked lines
stone shoulders
the rusted barbed wire fence
Scott County is a hand-out
that some find hard to take
well I left home at 17
not a penny to my name
no sense of where I came from
and a vague of idea of where I meant to go
but, God I miss the dust
that gathers at my gravel road
God I miss the dust
that gathers at my gravel road
It’s too amazing. I think I’m going to write more on this later. I’m escaping at a coffee shop right now. But I needed to fill this space a bit, and I think this song is a good introduction to who I am.
October 17, 2007
So many people I know have as many outlets as possible to catalogue their journey through life. So here is mine.
I have no idea where this will take me.
I present to you a journal of dreams, visions, observations, and my journey through this crazy and fitful sleep of life.
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