May 24, 2008

Those Boxes You Brought Here and Never Unpacked Are Still Patiently Waiting to Go

Posted by Astra under life, personal | Tags: , , , |
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It’s unbelievable - I can’t believe I’m really moving on Thursday.  Well, the moving company gave us a window of Thursday-Saturday when the truck would come… but it’s hard just imagining that in only a few days I’ll be heading out of this town…

I can’t believe I’ve lived here for 2 years.  I know it’s strange, but more than anywhere I can think of (except Seattle, I guess) - this place feels like home.  I really managed to create roots in DC, and as much as I hate this city I also love it, and I feel like I belong here.  I mean, just the other day I was standing outside my apartment building in the rain and managed to steal some tourist’s cab… I laughed about it when he was being all mad and soaked, and then I realized - who else but a city resident could do that, and not sweat it when the stupid tourist yelled at me? 

I realized that as much as I’ve missed Seattle over the past 6 years, and dreamed of going back, now that I am really going to do that… I’m sad.  I always want to be the person who steals that guy’s cab.  I always want to remember how to drive in this city, want to be able to navigate my way from any point to any other point, want to feel like I know the city…

I’m not questioning my decision to move back home.  I’m just realizing how much my two years here in DC have really meant to me.  I can’t believe that I moved here the day I graduated college, having never even been to the city… my dad helped me move in to my studio apartment in Dupont at the time… and then when he went home, I was really alone in a big city for the first time in my life.  And it’s amazing, how well I did - that summer I had 2 jobs, made friends, learned my way around, learned how to drive here (and parallel park!) - then I moved into a bigger apartment, started graduate school… I held my life down and, I really think, grew up & changed a lot.

I know a lot has changed since I moved here.  This city symbolizes moving on from a bad relationship in college, but it also symbolizes a lot of growing up in other aspects too.  I know I’m not shy anymore, after living here - the city made me more assertive, sometimes even aggressive… I’m more confident, sure in my ability to live on my own as an adult… I’ve found my partner, Liz, and am enjoying a real, adult non-college relationship…

It’s a lot to process in a short time, but I’m sure I’m really going to miss this place.  A lot more than I thought.  I hope that can coexist with being happy in Seattle.

 

October 19, 2007

mean goodbye

Posted by Astra under {没有} | Tags: , , , , |
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well there’s buildings in this here town
rise above the tallest mountains
the sky up there will watch you
with an unforgiving eye

and there are bridges in this here town
like statuettes in little fountains

there ain’t nothin like a mountain
if you’re looking to get high

well this whole place
it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way
to explain why

there are drugs and there are lovers
but my friend there ain’t no other
there ain’t nothing like a mountain
if you’re lookin to get high

well there’s sadness in a woman’s eyes
salty as a shallow ocean
as she’ll stare at you for ages
till your throat is hot and dry

yeah they’re movement knows no boundary
ain’t no comfort in her motion
there ain’t nothin like a woman
for to learn you how to cry

this whole place it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way
to explain why

there are friends are there are lovers
we must choose one or the other
there ain’t nothing like a woman
for to learn you how to cry

well there’s money in this here town
stained with guilt of those who made it
sharp regrets the ones who lost it
or the ones that it’s led astray

well the money in this town
stacks up taller than the buildings
in pursuit of all that money
we might piss our lives away

in this whole place it really don’t become me
there ain’t no way to explain why

there are men and there are dollars
those that lead
and the ones who follow

there ain’t no thing like an airplane
to let ‘em know you mean goodbye

there ain’t no thing like an airplane
to let ‘em know you mean goodbye

That’s more AJ Roach, “Mean Goodbye.”  You can download it here. I don’t know if I can point to one particular place in that song that fits me most.  I can’t believe I had never heard this music before Liz - it’s symbolic of our relationship how much her taste in music has changed my life.

I’ve spent my whole life leaving places.  I left home when I was 13, and never looked back.  I left Washington when I was 18, to a new life in a place I idealized - I thought New England was the symbol of success for me.  After four years at an Ivy, I gave up New England for DC, where I thought I’d find… well, I don’t know what I thought I’d find.

I grow tired of places.  Tired of Washington, tired of New England, tired now of DC… but more than that I’m tired of saying goodbye.

Let’s find a place, let’s buy a house, let’s settle down.  Anywhere but… oddly enough, New England.

 


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